Warning: Strong language ahead

I wish I had more to say (currently) about this topic – but I, as I am sure many of you have, have stayed away from trying to meet guys online anymore. Not that I can say that has made me want to meet guys “in real life” – after all, who you see and state online, is pretty damn close to what and who you really are.

Ho-hum. What is a gay to do? When did it become a complete turn-off to meet for coffee? Go watch a movie? Have an awesome day out at the zoo?

No. I’m not 60 in the shade. I am calling out to us guys to get back to basics. REAL basics. It’s a shithole mess out there and I know you don’t like it.

If you are on Grindr, let’s start there. What a kak jol. Firstly ask yourself: How many times have you deleted, suspended and recreated your profile on Grindr? There’s a reason for it. It’s the same for Tinder, Manhunt, and even Facebook and Twitter.

Some amazing, romantic stories include a Grindr hookup where a guy was asked if he would allow the other guy to eat a Bar-One out of his voluptuous gorgeous ass. Not a slim slab. Or any other decadent chocolate treat. A Bar-One. But you see, that’s what I love. That it is the choice in chocolate brand. (Doesn’t that make you start wishing for the zoo date I brought up earlier?)

What would you do if your hookup landed up sleeping with your mum? Oh this is AFTER sleeping with you. What about that soft sweaty smell that you taste in his mouth because he just met another guy before you for blowjob? I see great wedding pictures in the future.

Look. I am not an angry prude. God knows I’ve done my rounds, and rounds, and rounds again. But it is ridiculous. It’s gotten ridiculous. And all we do is complain. And complain. But go back for more.

Some more? Why not. The stories are endless. One of my favourite wastes of time is the “mute meet greet” on Tinder. You know, where you match up with a zillion guys, but not one will have a simple “Hi” or “How are you?” to go further with. Of course, every profile loves to make certain you read the “Say something! I wanna chat to you!” bullshit status.

Waste of gay time!

Then there are a ton of guys who want to connect with you in these online profiles, only to constantly waste your time talking. And talking. And talking. Guess what? It’s because no one else wants to listen to their crap, so they prey for the online ‘psychologist’ in you.

One of the worst is someone that hunts for guys that are going through something difficult in their lives, having some kind of life turmoil, or look like they need someone to talk to – and then, like predators, go in for a social kill.

Why all the games?

(The zoo. I remind you. The zoo date was still an option?)

Our social mediums have become a hot spit-spot for annoyance when meeting a guy. You would think that having access to so much information about some guy would help. But not these days. Being an online gay has messed you up, as it has messed me up.
It seems like behaving like a normal human being is the worst shame you can decide to encounter.

Isn’t that just plain pathetic? But as in the Oxford Dictionary definition of pathetic.

(That zoo trip sounds pretty awesome by now, doesn’t it? )

Make the call, girl. Get back to basics. Pack those Bar-Ones in there too.

Or go to the zoo.