Beating in the heat Legitimate summer’s here, at last, and right on cue, too. One can always tell June’s official mating season has arrived when people’s collective worries turn from planet Earth to penile girth.

As if cast adrift upon a melting iceberg, all the usual daily news horror stories — Ukraine, Putin, climate change, Rona and the ever-looming specter of WWIII — suddenly take back-burner to an escapist tide of sexual eschewal rolling in (think the Depp/Heard trial).

All my usual foam-&-froth inquiries, too (i.e., “Howard, how many calories does a normal BJ contain?”) ignite instantly into torpid carnage over penis size versus personal wealth: Which would you trade off when pitting one against the other?